Rev. Gomes Wildo

Be happy. As human beings, that is our major goal from early childhood until the last day of our lives. In all areas of our lives, we seek happiness, personal fulfillment. And marriage is no different. Based on all the advice you've done with boyfriends and couples, I sincerely believe that all people get married to be happy. However, the ideal would be that men and women to join with the main purpose and desire to make your spouse happy. The happiness of another should be placed above their own interests, the orientation of the fifth verse of I Corinthians 13 "is not unseemly, seeketh not her own interests, not easily provoked, thinketh no evil."

Few things in life can make someone so unhappy as a bad marriage. The number of divorces is impressive. According to the IBGE, in 2005, were conducted in Brazil 150,714 100,448 divorces and legal separations. These are families that were dysfunctional, and whose lives will forever scar a relationship frustrated. The data and experiences are available to all, but the wrong thinking that these things only happen to others leads to the spouses do not pay attention to the various symptoms of wear.

Have a perfect relationship is far from reality and human, even with maximum effort of husband and wife, the probability of attaining perfection is almost nil. We are imperfect beings by nature, educated in different ways and carry frustrations, traumas, disappointments and there is no denying that all the baggage directly interferes in our relationships.

Comparisons

For a year and a half I lived in the United States, by which time I was closer to my wife and kids and I had the opportunity to take great and important lessons for my personal life and marriage. During this phase, the issue of comparisons very marked my life.

American citizens have an excessive care to lawn and garden from their homes. Much of the free time is spent caring for the plants, trees, grass and flowers. The house where Rosane and I lived with our children also had a garden. As I knew would stay there for a certain time, I did not give much attention to the lawn. Every two weeks, I cut the grass. I never used any kind of fertilizer or special defense. With the garden of my house, I did, only what is necessary. The extraordinary, ever. However, almost always, in times when I was cutting the grass in my garden, my neighbors asked me what the secret that my lawn was so beautiful. There was no secret, was, yes, the comparison. The grass is always greener, more showy, more beautiful.

In life the same thing happens. We always have the impression that others are happier, more loved, have a better marriage than we are. The grass is always greener. However, if we look closely we see that, like us, the life of another person there are also flaws, defects and problems. A comparison of no benefit. There will always be someone who we believe are more blessed than us and also those most unhappy with even bigger problems than ours. Therefore, we must learn to build our own story and not want to live or the history of others.

At nineteen years of marriage, I have learned a lot and one of the biggest lessons is that comparisons are never useful or beneficial. In our journey as a couple, we need to learn how to build a life together, with plans, projects, dreams in common. We need to really be one flesh. Therefore, it is essential that let us fix our eyes on Christ, because only then our relationships and lives will be successful. Follow the commandments of Jesus is the most important task that we perform daily. Among these commandments we may cite the constant learning. "Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart," Jesus said in Matthew 11:29. Instead of seeking inspiration in the lives of others, we learn from Jesus, to imitate His actions in the face of crises and dilemmas in our lives. Only then, happiness is closer to us, as well as success in our relationships.

For our life works out, we need some basic attitudes:

1. Be sincere

Today's problems should be resolved today, not tomorrow. "Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath" (Eph. 4:26). Many people go through life believing that marriage is going well and that your husband or wife is happy, while everything is on the verge of chaos. I can cite as an example, the true story of a couple of friends who broke up on Christmas Day. Her husband simply packed his bags to leave. He was unhappy, but never did. The wife believed that everything was fine and went into deep depression process with the discovery and subsequent separation.

In a marital relationship, as in all areas of life, sincerity is key. Live appearances is a tactic that never works. Do not try to impress anyone and be honest with the person next to you.

2. Learn the phases

When reading a book where we find very interesting pages, other more normal and in some cases, some very bad and uninteresting. In a relationship is like that and you have to read through the pages. The couple's life has ups and downs, but you need to know to take advantage of all that is good, learning from mistakes and problems and strengthen the union. Life is made of phases and, good or bad, there will always be a lesson to be taken.

3. Trust in God

The family is an idea born in the heart of God. "And the LORD God is not good that man should be alone, i will make him an help meet for him it" (Genesis 2:18). God is the great creator of marriage and is keen to sustain, nurture and bless the union. Present your conflicts, problems and his family to the Lord, knowing that He will guide their lives.

4. Pray and obey

Never stop talking to Jesus and intimacy with Him Invite Him to be part of your day to day, your relationship, your home. When we look at the biblical passage about the Wedding at Cana, we see that what made the difference at that party was the presence of Jesus and His disciples. The marriage could have been a source of shame for the couple and their families, but Jesus was there and the story became. We must keep in mind that miracles happen when Jesus is present. Many things fascinate me this story and one of them is what Mary said and that should be applied in our lives: "Do whatever he tells you" (John 2:5).

When the principles are applied to Jesus in our lives, things happen and go wrong. Therefore, to live a happy marriage and have a blessed family, take your eyes of others and focus on Christ. This is the great secret of happiness to two: "... fixing our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith" (Heb. 12:2).